


idiot

by FrazzledDragon



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cazriel, Demisexual Azriel (ACoTaR), Drinking & Talking, Drinking Games, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mating Bond, Minor Fight Scene w/ injuries, Rare Pairings, Referenced Past Relationships, Requited Love, mayhaps a little ooc sorry i did my best azriel is really hard to write, referenced threesome, yall i've fallen so far down the cazriel hole it's not even funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrazzledDragon/pseuds/FrazzledDragon
Summary: Cassian and Azriel play Cassian's favorite drinking game: Get Azriel to Spill His Secrets While Rhys Snoops.He gets more secrets than either of them bargained for.
Relationships: Azriel & Cassian (ACoTaR), Azriel & Morrigan (ACoTaR), Azriel/Cassian (ACoTaR), Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Morrigan & Rhysand (ACoTaR), Past Cassian/Helion/Helion's Mate
Comments: 16
Kudos: 168





	idiot

"How many people have you slept with?" Cassian grinned a feral grin, his eyes bright with the challenge and more than a little booze.

Azriel was never sure how he let himself get talked into these drinking games. Cassian always cheated, trying to leech whatever secrets the shadowsinger had away from him with drinks far stronger than his own. Worse yet, Rhys was always involved, and though Cassian swore up and down that Rhys had no idea they were spending the night drinking together, Azriel's shadows told him about the High Lord, crouched right outside the door, trying to cloak himself using his powers.

"None," Azriel said calmly, way more tipsy than he'd ever let on. If he had been even slightly less drunk, he might have said a number, or any other lie that wouldn't make Cassian make that face at him.

Without a word, Cassian refilled his cup, and slid it across the table toward him. "Bullshit. Drink up or the truth."

That was the game. Ask one another uncomfortable questions and the other has to answer, or take another shot. They'd been playing this game for two hours, because Cassian is not a man of many secrets and Azriel is a talented liar, so Cassian has only caught him a few times.

In short, Azriel was simultaneously too drunk and not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. He pushed the glass toward Cassian. "It's the truth."

Cassian shook his head in disbelief, the smile of a man who knows he's being tricked crossing his face. "Bullshit. You're trying to tell me you've never taken anyone to bed? Not even one of the women you've taken back to her lodging? Not one?"

Azriel shrugs. "Don't believe me if you want. You asked, I answered."

"No. Way. You've got to be kidding me. I've walked in on you making out before!"

Azriel raised an eyebrow. "I did not have sex with her."

All in all, he was much too calm for Cassian's liking. "There's no way you're a virgin."

Azriel shrugged. "Some of us don't think with our wingspan."

Cassian mimed getting burnt, giggling a little despite himself. He truly was a ridiculous drunk. Azriel suddenly remembered why he tolerated these ridiculous games and these ridiculously elaborate schemes to discover his secrets. "Ouch. Fair point, but ouch... But you've been after Mor forever!"

Azriel couldn't help but smirk a little at that. Could not be further from the truth. "Oh, have I now?"

Cassian’s nose scrunched in confusion and Azriel couldn’t stop the giggle from slipping out. “But you have!” He argued, baffled. “You get cow eyes every time she walks in the room! You practically drool any time she shows some skin, which is basically every day!”

Azriel frowned. “No, I don’t. I never have.”

It’s Cassian’s turn to frown. “Bullshit. Drink up. I’m not falling for it."

He couldn't help the grin, which was looser and easier with the alcohol in his veins, as he swirled the shot in his hand, but made no move to drink it. "I'm really not bullshitting you, Cass. I don't want to bed Mor. I never have. At least, not really."

"But, Az, that doesn't make any sense. It's not just women - you could have  _ anyone _ you wanted,  _ anywhere _ you wanted and no one would tell you no."

Azriel simply downed the shot, willing to take the burning liquid and end the conversation altogether. It wasn't worth it tonight, and honestly, some part of him  _ knew _ he'd regret having said as much as he did already. Saying more was a risk he was not willing to take, even if he was drunk as hell.

"How many people have you slept with, Cassian?" Azriel purred, turning the question on him. To be truthful, he was fairly sure he knew the answer already. Cassian wasn't one to hide the scent of a woman on his skin. He poured the shot and put it between them, fully expecting him not to take it. Cassian had no shame after all and this would, by a long shot, not be the most prying question he'd answered tonight. If Azriel was being honest, Cassian would probably have answered this question without consequence at all.

Cassian took the shot and downed it. "17. Not counting… not counting friends."

Azriel frowned, confused. "You… didn't have to take the shot if you were going to answer."

Cassian waved a hand, stifling a burp. "You just took one with two truths. Fair's fair." Cassian actually seemed to be thinking pretty hard about the fact that Azriel had told the truth.

Azriel shifted uncomfortably in his seat, well aware his cheeks were starting to burn. He regretted his choice immediately. Why couldn't he just lie? Or take the shot? Or literally anything other than tell Cassian the truth about both himself and his relationship with Mor? He watched, in a panic, as the safety constructed out of a series of lies and careful happenstances over  _ centuries _ began to collapse.

Maybe Cassian won't remember this tomorrow morning. Maybe  _ he  _ won't remember this tomorrow morning.

"You've never had sex," Cassian said slowly, seeming to taste the words in his mouth, fit the piece in as well as he could into the puzzle that was the Court of Dreams' relationship web.

"Well…" Azriel began, ready to lie this time, when Cassian cut him off.

"You're not crushing on Mor."

Azriel's cheeks burned. "No. I love her dearly, and she is one of my best friends, but I have never wanted to have sex with her."

"Did you pretend to have a crush on her?"

Azriel poured and took the shot without a word. "What's the biggest lie you've ever told?" He asked quickly, desperate to turn the conversation away from himself.

"I told you I had 17 lovers. It was actually closer to twenty, but I can't remember three of their names, so I don't count them. Why haven't you taken anyone to bed?"

Azriel took another shot, knowing Cassian wasn't completely stupid. He'd figure it out… then Azriel would probably chuck himself off a cliff.

Fortunately, Rhys  _ was  _ completely stupid, and made a loud noise on the other side of the door. Azriel knew he was there, of course, but it was an unspoken part of the game to not acknowledge Rhys' presence until absolutely necessary or when the comedic value was high.

"You can come out now, Rhys. We're done anyway."

Looking suitably chastened, Rhys stepped into the room. "How goes the game?" He asked, as though he hadn't been leeching every word and probably feeding Cassian questions.

"It's over," Azriel stated firmly, aiming for annoyed but feeling as though his fear was the only thing visible. Perhaps it was clouding around him like his shadows and they couldn't even see him through it. He whispered to a shadow, telling it to go find and wake Mor. It was an emergency.

Then, not walking straight at all, Azriel stood and leapt from the balcony.

He knocked on Mor's bedroom door a while later. Long enough for him to drink a whole pot of coffee and take a long, freezing shower. He wondered if he might vomit.

Mor opened the door, and when she saw his face her vague annoyance turned to genuine sympathy and worry.

"What happened? What's wrong?" She asked, ushering him in. She was in her lace nightgown, and smelled of booze herself. And another woman. She would wash it off before anyone else would get the chance to smell her. But with Azriel, she didn’t bother to hide it.

Azriel put his head in his hands. "I… I messed it up. I told Cassian too much… he's gonna figure it out… I screwed up… He’s gonna figure it out, Mor."

Mor bit her lip, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I'm sure it's not that bad. Cassian's an idiot. You're both  _ very _ drunk, judging by how straight a line you walked coming in here, and chances are he won’t remember most of it. Did Rhys hear?" She too knew of their little game. Usually, Azriel was more careful not to get too drunk. Or drunk at all. He was a very good actor, after all.

Azriel nodded miserably. "Every word."

Mor frowned. "Okay, that's a problem, because he’s probably not drunk at all."

Azriel made a hand gesture, generally embodying a "I told you so" message.

"Still not worth panicking over though, okay? So what if they figure you out? Do you think they'll just figure out your sexuality or your crush in particular?"

Azriel shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe neither. Maybe both. Maybe I accidentally led them wrong? I don't know."

"Regardless, it doesn't matter, okay? You've been wanting to tell them for centuries. Better to do it drunk than sober, as far as I'm concerned. As long as you didn't out me, everything will be fine."

Of course, that was a joke, but Azriel nodded anxiously all the same. "I didn't out you. They'd have to jump pretty far to reach that kind of conclusion."

Mor smiled. "See? Everything will be fine."

"But what if he hates me?" Azriel whimpered, and Mor's comforting circles paused on his back. "What if he's disgusted? What if this breaks the Court? What if he can't forgive me?" He was on the verge of tears now, the alcohol making him more emotional.

"Then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And possibly burn it behind us afterwards."

Azriel bit his lip.

"What exactly happened? What exactly did you say?"

Though his intoxicated memory was a bit fuzzy, he told the story as accurately as he could, not meeting Mor's eyes. He felt like such a fool.

"That's really not that bad, Azriel. Really. The most secretive thing you really shared is that our relationship is not what we've made them believe. If they had bothered to watch you any closer, they would have known the other stuff."

Az nodded, trying to believe it himself.

"Listen, you're drunk and lonely and sad and scared. Go eat something then sleep off those shots. I'll come knocking tomorrow morning and I'll face the music with you, deal?"

Nodding again, just as miserably, Azriel wandered to his room.

The next morning, after he had vomited up everything in his stomach and taken another freezing shower, Mor knocked on his door.

"Cassian's looking for you. Mentioned more than once he wants to check in on some of the Illyrian camps with you," she said by way of greeting.

Curses dribbled out of Azriel's mouth. "And if I'm suddenly entirely swamped and absolutely cannot possibly make time to see him today?"

"Rhys thinks it's a phenomenal idea."

More curses. If Rhys was in on it, then there would be no way to convince any of them he was busy. Rhys would simply ask for his list of tasks, then he would do them for him.

"It's not ideal, but it'll be good to figure out exactly what he thinks about what you said. You might have the chance to lie to him and twist his conclusions back to what they were."

"This is far less ideal than "not ideal"," Azriel groaned. "I would rather swallow faebane. Then sand. Then shattered glass."

Mor tried to smile. "I would too, in your shoes. But it'll be alright… Cassian seemed… genuine, in his desire to spend time with you. It didn't look like he was getting ready to make fun of you."

"That really doesn't make me feel any better at all."

Mor chuckled, going to sit on his bed while he paced. Only half-dressed, the morning sun trickling in through the windows onto his skin seemed to make him glow. And Mor, still in her nightgown, was no slouch, her hair and skin ethereal in the dawn. "I think you're overreacting. Cassian's not gonna throw you out on your ass."

Azriel swallowed audibly. He really, truly wanted to believe that.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Azriel, without hesitation, went to the door, his steps silent, but Mor could see his breath catch as he opened the door. Rhys stood in the entryway, elegant, dark, and just a little frumpled, his purple eyes scanning Azriel's shirtless, scarred torso and his wet hair, before his gaze flicked to Mor, in her lacy red nightgown, her blonde hair a mess.

They both knew all Rhys saw was the image they'd spent  _ centuries _ culminating. Azriel could read the doubt and suspicion in his eyes, could tell he was mentally asking Cassian if he's  _ sure _ Azriel wasn't lying when he said he was a virgin. That he wasn't lying when he said he wasn't into Mor. That he wasn't just pulling his leg, trying to make him believe the wildest lies he could think to tell. 

"Are you up for a little flying today?" He asked, his voice smooth and unrumpled, unlike what was undoubtedly the result of Feyre's hands in his hair. Her scent was all over him. "I need you and Cassian to fly around to some of the more barbaric camps and do what you can. Remind them who's in charge. Try to kill as few assholes as possible."

Azriel didn't let his utter despair at the very thought of spending the whole day with Cassian, all alone in the privacy of the open sky show. He couldn't think of something he'd want to do less, actually. He nodded, as though none of those thoughts could ever cross his mind. "Give me five minutes."

He'd get dressed, have a minor panic attack, then get it over with.

Rhys nodded, satisfied, then his eyes drifted back to his cousin. "Is my dearest, precious cousin bothering you, Az?" 

Azriel shook his head. "No more than usual. You know how she is." More of that act, the lie they live to keep both of them hidden from their mind-reading best friend.

Mor stood and stalked toward Rhys, taking a moment to drag a finger down Azriel's chest. More acting. More lying. Never had the lies hung heavier around his neck.

"You know me, cousin… Always up to no good."

She stalked away, her feet thumping gently as she went down the hall. The door to her room clunked behind her solidly.

Rhys looked at Azriel again. Then meandered away.

  
  


Azriel, wrapped in his leathers and his siphons, tried to look confident and comfortable as he landed near Cassian on the steps outside the House of Wind. “Are you ready to go?” He asked, doing his best to pretend like his heart wasn’t pounding, like Cassian most definitely couldn’t hear it, like his head didn’t hurt less than his heart. 

“I need to grab something from a shop near the Rainbow,” Cassian winced, not looking too sorry about it at all. “Walk with me?”

Azriel nodded, falling into step beside him. They were best friends, closer than brothers and tighter than lovers. There was no part of himself that Azriel would not give for Cassian, and though it hurt to think about, he knew Cassian felt the same about him. Hell, Cassian voluntarily sacrificed his wings to save Azriel’s life. If an Illyrian would sacrifice their wings, there was nothing they wouldn’t give. 

So why did it feel so awkward? So broken?

“Ooh, she’s cute,” Cassian whispered, nodding toward a lesser fae woman tending a garden. Azriel looked up suspiciously, his shadows feeding him every detail about the woman’s life. He hushed them with a sharp twist of his head. “What do you think?”

Scrutinizing her a little closer, Azriel shrugged. “She’s pretty. Happily mated, though.” He could smell it on her from there - sign of a  _ very _ happy woman, and as she sat up a little straighter, Azriel realized she was pregnant.

Cassian shrugged in return. “Fun to fantasize.”

They walked a little further before Cassian broke the silence again. “He’s got a lovely ass. Look,” he said, pointing at another lesser fae, one that had high cheekbones and long, pointy ears, even for fae. He had a nice butt, Cassian wasn’t lying, but Azriel just eyed him.

“You are attracted to men?” That would be news to him, but Azriel suspected Cassian was just trying to bait him into talking. Mor was probably right; he probably didn’t remember most of their conversation from last night, and was probably hoping by casually bringing it up in conversation now, Azriel would carelessly give himself away.

Unfortunately, Azriel never intends to talk about himself ever again. It only gets him into trouble.

“Yeah,” Cassian said easily, eyeing that lesser fae man a little closer as they got closer. “Though, not in threesomes.”

Azriel almost choked. “What?” How had he missed that? He didn’t  _ actively _ monitor Cassian, but it was his duty to keep tabs on everyone in the Court, both of Dreams and Nightmares. The thing was, of course, that Cassian didn’t really keep secrets. It was part of the reason Azriel trusted him so thoroughly. Cassian didn’t have anything to hide from him. There was nothing he wouldn’t tell him if Azriel asked.

It was Cassian’s turn to eye him. “You mean you didn’t know I was into men? Or that I don’t like threesomes?”

Azriel blinked. “Either?” His voice was a little higher than normal, and some part of his mind wondered if this was a new interrogation technique Cassian had developed. For how stupid he was, he was crazy smart and Azriel had no doubt he had that kind of innovation in him.  
“Thought you were the omnipotent spymaster,” Cassian teased, nudging him with his shoulder. “Helion has always been asking if we’re interested in… tumbling with him and his mate, and once I was drunk and lonely, so I agreed. It was an interesting experience, to be sure. Something I will never do again though. I found it… Overwhelming? Overstimulating, maybe.”

Blinking again, Azriel tried to train his expression to hide his embarrassment and make his voice more monotone. “I don’t keep as close an eye on you because I trust you. You don’t hide from me.”

Hurt flashed across Cassian’s face. “You  _ don’t _ trust me, though.”

Azriel winced subtly. “I do trust you.” And he did. With almost everything. Almost.

Cassian just strode away, the lesser fae forgotten.

Azriel let him go, waiting where they had stood for Cassian to return.

Cassian came back a while later, not speaking to him even once before taking off. Azriel took off after him, feeling miserable. He soared behind him, and a little below. He couldn’t meet his eyes. He wanted to talk to Mor, but really couldn’t find an excuse to leave.

“Az, I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

Azriel’s head whipped up to look at Cassian.

“It’s not your fault, and frankly it’s none of my business,” he said firmly, if not a bit sadly. “What and who you do and don’t do in your free time is really none of my concern. I’m sure I made it sound like I thought it was, but… That’s… That’s not why I’m upset.”

Azriel flew a bit closer, trying to get a better look at Cassian’s face, though he can glean all his heart’s worries from the creases by his eyes, the curve of his lips, the slant of his cheeks. “Upset?”

“I feel… like a shit friend. I didn’t… I  _ assumed _ to know things about you.”

“I did the same to you,” Azriel says softly, but Cassian growls.

“You didn’t know I had a threesome with Helion. That’s hardly the same thing as me not knowing you didn’t have a crush on Mor, someone who I assumed you were head over heels in love with, and pointedly teased you both about for  _ centuries _ .”

Azriel shook his head. “I never told you I didn’t. Neither of us ever stopped you, Cassian. Besides, I didn’t know you were attracted to men as well as women. You’re not the only one who has missed things. To get upset with yourself for that and not be upset with me is hypocritical. You’re not perfect.”

“It took a stupid drinking game for you to tell me that, Azriel. Something I should… I should have  _ known _ . You and Mor are my  _ best friends _ .” 

Azriel couldn’t decide whether or not to be relieved. On one hand, Cassian hadn’t seemed to quite have connected the dots of what Azriel said and seemed to have decided whatever those dots connected into was none of his business. On the other hand, Cassian was clearly thoroughly upset, wrought with guilt, feeling as though he somehow failed Azriel as a friend. But Azriel could only imagine how that guilt and sadness would transform into betrayal and anger if he told him the truth.

“Cassian… Please. Don’t… Don’t blame yourself. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Cassian actually stops midair, his face showing just how much his heart hurts. “ _ That’s _ exactly the problem!” He shouts, ache spreading through the air between them. “You tell me something I should have known to begin with and your first reaction is that you shouldn’t have told me. But Mor knew, right? Did Rhys know? Feyre?”

Azriel bit his lip. This hurt so much more than he was expecting, and he wasn’t exactly expecting it to be pleasant. “Mor knew. No one else.”

“Does she know you’re a virgin? That you take girls home but you never actually take any of them to bed? That everyone around you thinks the two of you bed one another every other night? Does she let us think that, so we don’t worry about you? So we don’t ask? What… What don’t you trust me with? Why… Why don’t you trust me?”

“She knows the answers to all those questions,” Azriel murmured. As Cassian went to fly away, Azriel reached out and grabbed him. “Let me tell you the answers too. Right now. No alcohol, no games. No lies. I can’t fix this, but I trust you. I can prove it. I can explain.”

"Will it make a difference?" Cassian asked, his voice doubtful.

"You'll understand better why I never told you," was all he said.

Then there were arrows falling on them and neither thought before they acted.

Azriel threw up a shield around both of them, both of them scanning their surroundings for their attackers. The arrows were coming from all directions, and as one found a chunk in the shield to hang in, and Azriel could see the poison dripping from the tip. He snarled, reinforcing his shield and scanning more thoroughly.

But there was nothing to be seen. If there were enemies anywhere around, they were cloaked so well that even if you were looking for them you couldn't pick them out. Azriel looked at Cassian and nodded.

Cassian released a roar, red magic pouring out of him in a thick smoke, and Azriel dropped the shield for just a moment to release the cloud. It raced out in all directions, coating every being, cloaked or otherwise, in a three mile radius.

Azriel threw the shield back up as his breath caught. They were  _ surrounded _ . By ground and sky. There must have been hundreds of them. All armed to the teeth with bows and knives and swords and axes.

They knew who they were hunting and they knew their skill levels. They came as prepared as they could, even bringing in Illyrians to hunt them.

Unfortunately, they were also all coated in Cassian's magic. With a fierce snarl, Cassian misted all but one of the soldiers before them, leaving one Illyrian standing.

Azriel, seeing that Cassian's siphons were noticeably dimmer, not yet out but closer than either of them were particularly comfortable with, used his magic to trap the remaining soldier. He didn't recognize the man, but he knew the camp he came from.

That camp suddenly moved to the top of the list for inspection. And would probably find itself in need of new leadership soon.

The soldier had the good sense to look suitably uncomfortable, maybe even a little panicked, considering he was coated in Cassian's magic and the dusted remains of his comrades. He knew it was no accident he was the only one left, the only Illyrian without tattoos or proper leathers or siphons.

He hadn't passed the training. Really, it was a miracle he was still alive at all.

Nonetheless, he tried to lash out with his unwieldy magic, which Azriel quickly put a stop to with an efficiently broken finger. 

The soldier cried out and Azriel growled low in his throat. The soldier squirmed even more, but said nothing, even dared to reach for his magic again.

So Azriel broke another finger. Then another. And another. Then another. And used his magic to ensure they would heal extremely painfully and never correctly.

The soldier screamed, "STOP! I'LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

Cassian nodded approvingly. "Why did you attempt to kill us?"

"I'm a mercenary!" He sobbed, knowing that if failing training wasn't a big enough sign he wasn't worthy of being an Illyrian, snitching and blubbering certainly made him unworthy. "I was paid!"

Azriel raised an eyebrow. "By…?"

"I dunno! My boss would know… If you hadn't misted him!"

"Liar," Cassian said pleasantly, and in an action quicker than lightning, Cassian grabbed his wing and drove a blade through it. Pinned by Azriel's magic, the mercenary could do nothing but scream as the sensitive membrane was pierced. "Tell us the truth, and I'll pull the blade free as painlessly as possible. Lie again, and I'll make sure it's as painful as possible. Your choice."

"I dunno his name!" The mercenary cried, and Azriel noted the difference. "He works in a neighboring camp! He thought if he could take you out, it'd destabilize the High Lord and he'd be able to take him out and take over!"

Azriel tried not to show how much his lip was curling. The man was talking as though Mor, Amren, and Feyre would  _ ever _ let something like that happen to Rhys. They'd keep him straight if it killed him. But Illyrians, especially the barbaric, stupid ones, didn't consider women anything more than babymakers and thus, not worthy of consideration.

"If you can describe the man and take us to him, you might be the only survivor of this encounter. How would you like that, Arnold?"

Arnold, for that was what the shadows said his name was, looked up in pure fear and nodded rapidly.

Arnold led them straight to him.

Azriel took the faebane coated arrow and drove it through the man's other wing. "If you survive this, you'll be worthy of the title of traitor." Then he nodded to Cassian, who pulled his blade free aggressively and uncaringly, and Azriel dropped him from several miles up.

Then, he conjured a bow and arrow and shot the man who had hired the mercenaries in the wing, grounding him. It was an impressive shot, but as the man, staggering in pain looked up, his guilt was clear enough. He took off sprinting, trying and failing to successfully take off. Azriel and Cassian set after him like hunting dogs.

They had him in minutes. Azriel winnowed him to the Court of Nightmares, to be broken on a later date. Then he winnowed back to Cassian.

Cassian was sitting near where they had caught their attempted murderer, face contemplative and serious. He patted the ground near where he sat, clearly expectant.

Right. Azriel had promised him the truth.

He felt his courage leave him like a candle blown out by a tornado. Gingerly, he sat near Cassian. He decided to start where this whole mess started. "I… don't… I haven't… slept with anyone because… I don't develop attraction like you do. Like Rhys did. Like Mor or even Amren. I can't… just meet someone and bed them. I… I need the relationship first and very few people are willing to build that with me. Or they're willing, but they aren't right for me. I… I guess I'm picky."

Cassian shrugged, frowning. "Nothing wrong with that. But there's been  _ no one _ in over four hundred years to meet your standards? Or do you just not experience sexual attraction? Because that's valid too."

Azriel swallowed nervously. They were beginning to edge toward some very dangerous questions. And it was strange, too, because Azriel simultaneously wanted to answer every single one, scream the answers from the rooftops, and never speak again.

"I experience sexual attraction. If I had the opportunity to experience sex, I think I would enjoy it."

Cassian frowned, waiting.

"You said… you said, last night, that I could have anyone I wanted. That's… that's not true, Cassian."

His frown only deepened. "Anyone living, you could have them when or wherever you wanted, no questions asked."

Something like hurt curled Azriel's lip. "No, I can't. You don't understand."

"Who are you thinking of? Who would turn you down? You're right; I don't understand. Explain it to me. Spell it out."

"The… Cauldron plays stupid games…" Azriel muttered, his cheeks flaring red. "Of course, the one person who… who I could… I could let in… is the only person who I would… I would never have been brave enough to attempt."

Cassian's frown deepened as he turned Azriel's words over in his mind. "Rhys?"

The guess is surprising enough that Azriel chokes out a laugh. "No, I'm not, nor have I ever, crushed on Rhys. I promise you that."

"Amren?"

"Mother,  _ no _ !" Azriel shouted, his blush trading itself in for an incredulous smile. "Cassian, you're an absolute idiot."

"Or your cryptic way of telling me is cryptic and confusing and not very straightforward."

Azriel sombers. "Cassian, there's only one person… who doesn't… doesn't see me like a monster. A burden. A tool to be used however they see fit. There's only one person who I don't see as a brother or a sister or a strictly platonic friend. There's only one person who knows basically everything about me and doesn't ever flinch, even from the horrible things. And, of course, that is the one person I… I like more than anyone else."

Cassian, in true idiot fashion, frowns in confusion. "I really don't get it."

Azriel takes a deep, shaky breath. "It's you, Cassian. The one person I can never have. The one person I would never have been brave enough to tell on my own."

Cassian just… freezes, clearly processing. Azriel nods sadly, knowing what's coming. His shadows are practically screaming in his ears, the cacophony almost louder than his own blood rushing. He waits one moment… two. Cassian still doesn't move.

Azriel moves to stand.

Cassian, quicker than a viper, grabs Azriel's arm in an iron-tight grip. "Don't you  _ dare _ run away from me."

Azriel frowns, a little surprised at the tone. It was… surprisingly aggressive. Almost angry. "I… was just trying to give you space. I figured you wanted… time to process."

"Azriel, you're an idiot."

Azriel blinks. "What?"

"Idiot. Stupid. Dumbass. Small brain. Derp. Dumdum. Moron. Fool. Absolute nincompoop. The list goes on."

"Why… am I… an idiot?" He asks the question tentatively, more out of pure confusion than fear.

"Because you've never asked the right question."

Azriel is thoroughly baffled now. "The right question?"

"That's not the right question. Ask me. Right now. We won't need shots for this one."

"Cassian, I don't know what you're talking about." Azriel was really, truly trying, but really not coming up with anything.

"Ask me who I have a major crush on. Ask me the real reason I was in a threesome with two males. Ask me why it is that your crush on me was so shocking to me. Literally any of those questions would work."

Azriel shakes his head. "I'm very confused and you're not helping."

"Ask me. One. Of. Those. Questions." Cassian spoke agonizingly slowly, and Az finally just shook his head.

"Who do you have a crush on?" It seems the most straightforward, the easiest one to get this all over with and begin the slow, horrible process of moving on from the High Lord's general.

"You."

Azriel was  _ sure _ he misheard him. Or maybe he himself misspoke. "What?"

"I have a giant crush on you, Azriel."

Azriel blinked, once, twice, his heart racing. "I don't understand."

Cassian rolled his eyes. "And you had the audacity to call me an idiot."

"You are an idiot. But… you like… me?"

Cassian nods agreeably.

"Really?"

Another eye roll. "Yes. I like you. A lot. I had the threesome with Helion to see if I liked being with males, or if this crush I had was just a squish. I was drunk and lonely and pining, and Helion offered to help. Your crush on me was so shocking because never in a million, billion years had I expected my crush on you to be requited."

"Oh," Azriel says, his cheeks reddening. He really hadn't expected to make it here in his conversation and now he really doesn't know what to do. This is already so far beyond his wildest hopes. "What now?"

It's the wrong thing to say, but Cassian bursts out laughing anyway. "Idiot," he says, so, so fondly. "I've fallen for an idiot."

Azriel frowns. "So have I." He's fighting a smile as he nudges Cassian with his shoulder.

The touch, small, innocent, and playful, changes something. Something in them both. Cassian's eyes focus, the grin fades, and something twists excitedly in Azriel's gut. Cassian bites his lip, and it's the most interesting thing Azriel has ever seen.

Cassian's wings, originally tucked as tightly behind him as sitting on the ground allows, flare out, just a bit. Azriel's eyes track the movement. 

Cassian, moving more carefully than Azriel was accustomed to, slowly turned, his eyes intently on Azriel's lips. "Can I kiss you?"

Azriel shivered, leaning forward and gently brushing his lips against Cassian's, another shiver quaking his body as Cassian's hand came up to his cheek.

Azriel was about to do the same, but he hesitated, unsure. Some of the women and men he had kissed had asked him not to touch them, his hands being a turnoff.

Cassian, not breaking away for even a moment, blindly grabs Azriel's hands and places them on his chest. Still moving, he gently pushes Azriel back, till he's flat on his back and Cassian is looming over him, bare  _ intent _ in his eyes.

"You could have had me anywhere at any time," Cassian rasps, panting as he finally breaks their lips apart. " _ Anywhere _ ."

Azriel's mouth goes dry, but his hand comes up, thumb tracing over Cassian's cheekbone and fingers slowly threading into his hair, pulling it free of its tie. They have all the time in the world, after all. Rhys isn't expecting them back for hours.

"There is no part of me that is not yours," is all Azriel says, and means it. His heart threatens to break with happiness as Azriel's shadows curl up and around Cassian, and Cassian doesn't even move. Doesn't care. He knows they're there and cannot be bothered with acknowledging them. However, noticing Azriel's gaze, he presses a kiss to a shadow, making the darkness jolt and subside a little. It’s not used to affection.

Azriel's whole body shudders and his eyes sting with tears. Cassian just smiles, lovingly tracing the soft skin under Azriel's eye with his thumb, wiping away a tear, and kissing the other away.

"And there's no part of me that's not yours," Cassian says in return, his dark eyes smoky and his voice husky. But he makes no move to kiss him again, his thumb tracing lazy circles on his cheek, his other hand holding him up by Azriel's head.

Slowly, he lowers himself to kiss Azriel again, again, again, gentle kisses with gentler rugs of teeth. It was all so lazy; the languid, meandering path of Cassian's hand down his face, his neck, his chest, to his hip where he squeezed and Azriel's whole being shivered, a tiny, near inaudible moan slipping out from between his lips.

He feels Cassian's shiver, feels the moment his will to go slow wears thin. Cassian kisses him a little harder, his teeth nipping at his bottom lip.

That being said, they are sitting in the snow and Azriel's back is slowly getting soaked, so with a gentle hand, Azriel pushes Cassian back with a smirk, before winnowing them away. 

He's never winnowed lying down before, but it's easier than he thought, and when he lands himself Cassian in the House of Wind, in one of the spare bedrooms, Cassian  _ purrs _ in delight, squeezing his hip as a reward.

Azriel decides then and there that moving slow is for the birds.

He wakes slow, warm and happy. The shadows are curled around him like cats, slumbering in the warmth. It smells of them - the bed, the room, the air. It’s a smell Azriel doesn’t think will ever get old. Cassian stirs next to him, as though he sensed Azriel’s waking.

He smiles slowly, pressing a kiss to Azriel’s nose, cheeks, lips. Then moves down his neck, down the column of his throat. Not trying to arouse, just kissing him because he can, and Azriel lets a soft moan slip out.

He doesn’t even realize the weight of the thought when it slips into his mind.

_ I love you, Cassian. _

But the weight hits him a moment later when the mating bond, strong and pure, snaps into place between them.

His eyes widen, and he looks at Cassian, who looks just as stunned as he is.

He smiles, wider than he has in centuries. “I love you, Cass,” he says, then repeats it as Cassian’s eyes fill with tears. He kisses them away, the water salty on his chapped lips. “I love you. I love you.”

Cassian grins, cocooning them in his wings, as he pulls Azriel to him, his bare skin warm and smooth, to pepper kisses wherever he could reach. “I love you too.”


End file.
